Play – Christmas Break

Christmas Break

Two humans of the age of consent enter from different sides of stage; sit on two benches or chairs, with their backs to each other. They wear winter scarves and gloves.

The recording of their voices.

Person 1	Person 2
	I mean, what is it all about anyway?
Hot and sweaty. In the middle of December!
	I’m all wet.
There is nothing more black than Christmas in Manchester
	Can’t bear looking at reflections of the lights in puddles.
The most stressful time of the year, and everybody knows it.
	Bashing each other with shopping bags
Spending money we don’t have
	What are we celebrating?
Celebrating being stressed?
	No person, living or dead, needs twenty boxes under a tree
I gave all my gifts to a charity shop last year
	I sold all of my gifts on e-bay last year
Can’t drink enough in order to forget the rest of my life, like everyone else
	And I’m definitely not buying that ginger bread heart for £4
Going to the Christmas Market just to be able to feel connected to people
	Getting elbowed and stepped on feet
Nauseating smell of mulled wine
	And that psychedelic singing moose head!
That spooky singing moose!
	Just give me a break
Can’t I just get some silence?
	Simply doing nothing
Not worrying about getting the right gift for Auntie Jane
	Not having to look happy when I open Mom’s gifts
Don’t really need to watch snowflakes   glide slowly through the air, although
	It would be nice if it snowed
Just give me a break!

Person 2 Speaks Did you say something?

Person 1 Speaks No, I didn’t.

Person 2                         Sorry.

Person 1                         It’s OK.

They stand up and walk out their respective side of stage.

Person 2 peeps back in.

Person 2                         Excuse me?

Person 1 peeps back in.

Person 1                         Yes?

Person 2                        I was wondering if you perhaps might fancy some       mulled wine?

Person 1                        No.

Person 2                         Uh.

Person 1                         But I’m up for hot chocolate. Only all cafes will be packed…

Person 2                         There are tables by the singing moose?

Person 1                         Sure.

They leave together.

Three Minute Theatre videos

Videos with my performances in Three Minute Theatre, Manchester.

This is “Mom is a Poem”. “Bricked Up” (first) and “Love Mummy” (third) by an amazing author and my friend Jude Fowler. “Almost Had Enough” (second) and “Mom’s Gift” (fourth)” by me.

And this one is “The Proof That We Cannot Understand Each Other” – confession of my love for languages, in particular, Russian, English and Japanese.