Plays

'A Phone Call' The Three Minute Theatre 30 April 2011My Mom tells me I laughed when she was reading Nikolai Gogol’s The Government Inspector when I was only five. I still don’t know if I got the humour or whether I just got into Gogol’s style immediately and loved the language.

My favourite playwrights are Anton Pavlovich Chekhov, Oscar Wilde and Tom Stoppard. I like Shakespeare, but not as sitting alone reading his plays, but as in going with friends to an outdoor summer performance of The Merchant of Venice in Heaton Park, with three actors changing frantically and playing all the roles. Or as in seeing Kevin Spacey in Richard II.

I write short plays, some of them for The Three Minute Theatre, Manchester.

You can find examples of my writing by clicking the Category “Plays” in the right side manu bar.

Christmas Break

Two humans of the age of consent enter from different sides of stage; sit on two benches or chairs, with their backs to each other. They wear winter scarves and gloves.

 

The recording of their voices.

Person 1

Person 2

I mean, what is it all about anyway?
Hot and sweaty. In the middle of December!
I’m all wet.
There is nothing more black than Christmas in Manchester
Can’t bear looking at reflections of the lights in puddles.
The most stressful time of the year, and everybody knows it.
Bashing each other with shopping bags
Spending money we don’t have
What are we celebrating?
Celebrating being stressed?
No person, living or dead, needs twenty boxes under a tree
I gave all my gifts to a charity shop last year
I sold all of my gifts on e-bay last year
Can’t drink enough in order to forget the rest of my life, like everyone else
And I’m definitely not buying that ginger bread heart for £4
Going to the Christmas Market just to be able to feel connected to people
Getting elbowed and stepped on feet
Nauseating smell of mulled wine
And that psychedelic singing moose head!
That spooky singing moose!
Just give me a break
Can’t I just get some silence?
Simply doing nothing
Not worrying about getting the right gift for Auntie Jane
Not having to look happy when I open Mom’s gifts
Don’t really need to watch snowflakes   glide slowly through the air, although
It would be nice if it snowed
Just give me a break!

Person 2 Speaks Did you say something?

Person 1 Speaks No, I didn’t.

Person 2                         Sorry.

Person 1                         It’s OK.

They stand up and walk out their respective side of stage.

 

Person 2 peeps back in.

Person 2                         Excuse me?

Person 1 peeps back in.

Person 1                         Yes?

Person 2                        I was wondering if you perhaps might fancy some        mulled wine?

Person 1                        No.

Person 2                         Uh.

Person 1                         But I’m up for hot chocolate. Only all cafes will be packed…

Person 2                         There are tables by the singing moose?

Person 1                         Sure.

They leave together.


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