Two humans of the age of consent enter from different sides of stage; sit on two benches or chairs, with their backs to each other. They wear winter scarves and gloves.
The recording of their voices.
|I mean, what is it all about anyway?|
|Hot and sweaty. In the middle of December!|
|I’m all wet.|
|There is nothing more black than Christmas in Manchester|
|Can’t bear looking at reflections of the lights in puddles.|
|The most stressful time of the year, and everybody knows it.|
|Bashing each other with shopping bags|
|Spending money we don’t have|
|What are we celebrating?|
|Celebrating being stressed?|
|No person, living or dead, needs twenty boxes under a tree|
|I gave all my gifts to a charity shop last year|
|I sold all of my gifts on e-bay last year|
|Can’t drink enough in order to forget the rest of my life, like everyone else|
|And I’m definitely not buying that ginger bread heart for £4|
|Going to the Christmas Market just to be able to feel connected to people|
|Getting elbowed and stepped on feet|
|Nauseating smell of mulled wine|
|And that psychedelic singing moose head!|
|That spooky singing moose!|
|Just give me a break|
|Can’t I just get some silence?|
|Simply doing nothing|
|Not worrying about getting the right gift for Auntie Jane|
|Not having to look happy when I open Mom’s gifts|
|Don’t really need to watch snowflakes glide slowly through the air, although|
|It would be nice if it snowed|
|Just give me a break!|
Person 2 Speaks Did you say something?
Person 1 Speaks No, I didn’t.
Person 2 Sorry.
Person 1 It’s OK.
They stand up and walk out their respective side of stage.
Person 2 peeps back in.
Person 2 Excuse me?
Person 1 peeps back in.
Person 1 Yes?
Person 2 I was wondering if you perhaps might fancy some mulled wine?
Person 1 No.
Person 2 Uh.
Person 1 But I’m up for hot chocolate. Only all cafes will be packed…
Person 2 There are tables by the singing moose?
Person 1 Sure.
They leave together.